You have treated me kind.

I have appreciated your health service,

enjoyed adventures on your buses, tubes,

watched my little cousins be schooled

and felt that your leader cares.

I hope The Big Society works out for you.

Send a postcard when you find out what it is!

…if post offices still exist, your roads don’t crumble
and you actually find out what it is.

See you in five years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKFTtYx2OHc

As I’m typing, the BBC’s half way through running the Conservative’s latest party political broadcast creatively entitled ‘Queen’s Speech Response’. David Cameron’s sitting on a train much blurred out, though you can’t help but focus on the annoyingly inauthentic ‘passenger’ (unimaginative press agent) behind him, reading a notepad and checking her phone like an extra straight out of The Thick Of It.

When the fuzzy background gets too much and your dismay returns to his rosy cheeks bordered face, you’ll be forgiven for thinking you’ve accidently switched over to ITV and are watching one of those thirty seconds too long confused.com adverts with the pretend customers talking down their “web cams” about how great the new website is. (They’ve been running for over a year. When does new become old? And since when would anyone have the time or inclination to record an ode to a bloody website?).

That’s because the Tory leader and the ‘Cameron Direct’ road show his package is glossing on about, has to be the most contrived piece of television I’ve seen since a fight in a playground acted out by stage school overflow on Waterloo Road. EG, One of the kids is a pot smoking runaway who’s sold his pit-bull to another kid from the estate in exchange for permission to get his underage girlfriend pregnant. Only, she doesn’t get pregnant but catches herpes that the head teacher then has to hold a school assembly about before rolling credits book end a ‘We’re so young. We’ve got so much to learn’ sickly sweet truce between the two boys.

But I digress, for there aren’t any council estate types in the audience of a ‘Cameron Direct’ town hall happening. A sea of grey haired or bald, middle to elderly aged upper class white people is a truer description, for in all of the 101 ‘I’m not even aware the camera is on me and am solely smiling because of the comfort this man offers’ snap shots, there’s not one person that resembles anything of the typical person in my neighbourhood. You know, someone with their own teeth and hair.

To be as fair as his social circle’s diversity for a minute though, the broadcast does follow the BBC News and precedes The One Show and it’s daily fix of American granny favourites that are thinking ‘What am I doing here?’ as much as the audience are wondering when Emmerdale will be over so they can watch it back on the Sky Plus recording underway, because they got in five minutes late from a game of bowls on the ‘whites only’ green.