I’m interviewing a tree for my blog about how it’s turned over a new leaf.
Tomorrow I’m meeting with a wall to talk about its problems. People keep trying to climb all over it.
Can you cover me tomorrow morning? I’m meeting a lamp post’s paving slab. He wants to moan about life in the spotlight.
This evening I’ll be live tweeting from a zebra crossing about its opinion on road safety. It’s not as black and white an issue as you may think.
At lunch I’m meeting with a Royal Mail box. Follow the live stream. It’ll keep you posted.
How’s this title for my interview with a pay phone? ‘The system keeps boxing me in’.
I’ve got a meeting with the stapler. It wants to consolidate projects.
The calculator keeps shouting at me. Apparently things don’t add up.
HR aren’t happy with the way I’ve been treating my keyboard. I’ve done nothing but push its buttons.
My mouse filed a complaint against me. I keep pushing it around.
I’m due a face to face meeting with the Sellotape tomorrow. I’m expecting a sticky situation.
I’m really worried about the scissors’ attitude. They think they’re a cut above the rest.
It’s just one thing after another with that printer.
I can’t work with my compass any longer. He goes around and around the same old thing. Though he does have a point.
I’m in charge of revolutionising the mail room. People say I’m really pushing the envelope.
I found my conversation with the dictionary really confusing. It had to spell everything out for me.
Want to know why the film about Twitter failed? There weren’t enough characters.
I hate chatting to my bin. It’s so full of garbage.
I love my Mac. It really is the Apple of my eye.
I can’t work out where I am with the office window. Sometimes it’s really open and other times so closed.
I’ve been seeing this AC unit. She’s so hot, but then she’ll go all cold on me.
I’m always a bit nervous about how people will take to the blinds. They’re a bit shady.
I was on Google’s social network the other day. It’s got its plusses.
The office lights are usually fine to work with, but sometimes they just switch off.
I was on the internet the other day. It was refreshing.
We interviewed a very confident and ambitious lamp yesterday. It’s got a bright future ahead of it.
When Chris isn’t writing comedy gold, he’s tweeting as @cwelton, which is sometimes comedy gold.