The United Error

We all got to our desktops
at around a quarter to nine.
The videos began circulating
of people waiting in line.
As the doors opened wide
men and women violently rushed.
With air conditioned importance
we shook our heads and fussed.
‘Look at them crawling around
like possessed animals unleashed.’
Oh how we tutted that day
at consumerism’s feast
before returning to our work
creating marketing campaigns
surely hoping to trigger
greater Black Friday level fame.
A month of juggling balances
and organic juice detoxes passed.
Hypocritical tuts of disdain
never tend to really last.
Within a vacuous liquid lunch
hysteria grasped our souls.
Monopolising on a website bug
became our number one goal.
A flock of holiday dreams flapped
and tapped trying to refresh
an error in the airline’s system.
Our cries resembled a creche.
Return flights to anywhere
priced at that of Friday drinks
had us scrolling and sweating.
Dignity passed in a blink.
Some were on the side of luck.
Others are heading to Kazakhstan.
Me? I kept getting error pages
but boy, I wanted Japan.
You’d be silly not giving it a go
and grabbing a bargain when you can
but let us not forget
the words of disgust we sang.
One man’s wide screen TV
is another’s trip to Belize.
Some long for mobile phones.
Others dream of the West Indies.
Whether it’s a trolly of DVDs
or a beach side coffee and croissant
we’re all deeply caught up
in an infectious spell of want.

New York bars.

Take this one to 34th street and change for the L.
Living out your holiday dreams in New York’s pretty swell.
It’s hot as hell, but everything’s heavenly,
witnessing Kool Herc’s legacy’s longevity.
Roof tops and sky lines, craft beers, parks and walks.
Thick gorgeous accents when New Yorker’s talk.
Sleepy Metro trips home, missed stations and dark streets.
Quick shuffles of the feet and panicked hunts for Taxi fleets.
Street rappers’ CDs for ten dollars or a bartered two.
A broken water hydrant that’s cliche but true.
The eyes of a visitor as wide as Central Park’s long.
Hostel chatter repeating each guest’s ‘Where are you from?’
Bagels power confusing journeys of wonder from B to C.
More baffling are tourists leaving for DC.
Picked up in London and placed in a cinematic city.
A constant gratitude for everything that’s been seen.

Lists on a train to Anna’s wedding.

Favourite music artists:

  • Stevie Wonder
  • Paul McCartney
  • Oasis
  • Bob Dylan
  • Michael Jackson
  • The Libertines
  • Kasabian
  • The Beatles
  • Radiohead
  • The Chemical Brothers
  • David Bowie

Favourite rap artists:

  • Nas
  • Zack De La Rocha
  • Lauryn Hill
  • Pharoahe Monche
  • Jehst
  • Chester P
  • Outkast
  • Eminem
  • Roots Manuva
  • Busta Rhymes

Favourite films:

  • The Silence Of The Lambs
  • Donnie Brasco
  • E.T.
  • The Matrix
  • The Godfather
  • Cable Guy
  • Kids
  • Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
  • Edward Scissorhands
  • Human Traffic
  • Walk The Line
  • Modern Times

Favourite TV shows:

  • I’m Alan Partridge
  • The Simpsons
  • Breaking Bad
  • Boardwalk Empire

Favourite writers:

  • Jim Carroll
  • Chuck Palahniuk
  • William Blake
  • Simon Armitage
  • DBC Pierrre
  • Jane Austen
  • Phillip K Dick
  • Charles Bukowski
  • Harmony Korine
  • Aravind Adiga

Favourite beers:

  • Brooklyn Lager
  • Kernal Pale Ale
  • Vedett Blonde
  • Sierra Nevada
  • Meantime Wheat

Carriage 5604.

The streets are alive with up-lit red brick walls
on one of those evening when you take a mental note
that daylight’s lasting longer than the short days of late,
bookended by stretched nighttime.
The platform’s calmer for once,
the crowds are cuddling some place else
and you shaved five minutes off your clocking off time
so don’t care that the station’s boards reveal
a five minute wait.
The businessman’s black eye gives you as much to think about
as the school kid doing some kind of subconscious ritual
with every finger on each hand.
He presses one at a time into the center of his palms
like the world will stop if he just lets them hang.
By now you’re but a segment away from letting your feet sip
the air of your soft platform march towards a couple of blocks
you alternate the days on which you walk home.
Variety follows that outstretch with the opening of
fridge and freezer draws.
Chillies get mixed into leafy stumps of broccoli
and there’s no telling what colours the stripes on your straw in
the glass of iced orange juice will be this evening,
or the articles you’ll read
and documentaries you’ll flick through for any matter.
Sleep’s as much a mystery as everything around us
when wearing some sets of glasses.
Never mind tomorrow.
It shrinks with every premature play you feed it
before the starting gun’s even been loaded with history’s paint.

Aviator.

The only S I’m getting is a white upper case one in a blue square,
little green phone icons flickering on for a crackly conversation of connect.

As long distance a relationship as my geography can barely imagine,
our bookmarked world clock pages tell us what time it is for the other.

Between toast, kettle and shower routines, you tell me of your day,
the pint you’ve just enjoyed and the early night now imminent.

Yawned accounts of tiredness and even earlier starts are my daily tales.
Groans about morning meetings and cold, dark weather take course.

Much missed snores and days of procedure play out between calls,
the second digital dial tone of each day spinning accounts full circle.

Searching and usually not finding fresh detail to report,
you hear of projects you don’t quite get and evening runs to stretch them out.

You’re always mid ironing routine, heading on out to the training field
to gear up for another brave session addressing a life long dream.

I’m usually keeping an eye on the curry filling the kitchen with spiced mist,
flicking through television channels at two laps of the guide a sitting.

Weeks are manageable. Office regulation controls your absence’s sting.
The two days in-between slab out a stage for theatrical memories that ache.

For all the Saturday morning hangovers and huge Sunday runs
cold pillows and a half load of overdue washing up reminds me you’re away.

Everyone does their best or what they think is the most apt way to note
the script we work hard to read, one line at a time.

Enquiries into how you’re doing can feel like my effort’s on mute.
Other times I know it’s the only way they find to acknowledge the score.

Somehow the long slog is almost complete. Twenty-eight weeks down.
Nineteen sleeps to cross off the wall chart – half a soppy joke, two halves not.

My calendar is building a full season’s worth of celebration.
No belt has enough holes for all of the dinners and drinks I have planned.

Inevitable ‘Will everything be as lovely as before?’ thoughts crop up
but less frequently than the smiles of memories past and to be made.

A leafy lunch at The Approach, beer passed Sovereign House,
and a feast at Prescot Street’s hidden gem are closer than in months.

Forced but kind reassurances of friends on hearing of your big trip
will soon be history, cozy alongside dull evening meals for one.

People have told me that they could never have done it,
like at any point we had or defined a choice. It was roles we just had to take.

See you at Paddington when your express train arrives.
I’ll be the one calling ‘action’ on the scene I’ve re-written 198 times.

Posh people on trains.

What world has these guys boarded from,
talking ticket brokers for the national rail?
Comparing first with standard class service;
a woopsy daisy, upper class admin fail.

Wait until they need to use the toilets.
Their posh accents will lardy dar about that.
Oh, to be an uppity, slumming it, commuter
is to sound like a total and utter prat.

Shall we get a train to Paris?

Shall we get a train to Paris?
It’s a place I’ve never been.
It’s so close and quick to visit,
boxing ticks I haven’t seen.

We can drink in all the places
our heroes wrote their songs
and eat lots of strange foods,
pretending that we belong.

At home we can look back,
talk of it like Bowie in Berlin.
I’ll get out my drunken lyrics
we’ll never attempt to sing.

Let us get a train to Paris,
for two days of lunacy not love,
drinking glasses of gin for breakfast,
seeing faces in clouds above.

Thinking In Tweets

Caught up creating a digital picture of how they’d like to be seen, social media users often use the likes of Facebook, Twitter and now Pinterest, not for one of its beautiful original benefits; informing and sharing, but merely for broadcasting and manipulating.

Too often, users simply create updates on their profiles to try and align themselves with a product or personality, be it a £200 designer belt or a guy who’s released an album of music made by tapping spoons on his breakfast table that he recorded through a toilet roll inner. Whether it’s a check in at a renowned restaurant or a photo upload of a concert crowd, the ego driven intentions remain.

And everyone’s guilty of it, whether it’s the five tweets a breath addict or the person behind a blog post like this one, transparently trying to disassociate himself with such vanity! Egotism is what separates man from cattle and is as inevitable and incredible as sunshine, but we do have numerous grades of sun block to deter burning. And cattle need nudging into the right fields.

When self absorbed social noise is digested, the author’s (assumed) aims are increasingly missed, by me at least for now, having been away from a computer screen for three weeks on holiday. A break like that violently emphasises the triviality of most noise I’d been consuming.

I haven’t been finishing reading people’s thought yawns and thinking ‘wow, this guy has style’ or ‘now that’s what you call being on the pulse of contemporary music.’ I’ve been internalising a loud ‘fucking try hard!’ scream at my laptop, getting jealous of the author’s clear abundance of spare time and moving on to more informative, stimulating content.

Attempts of identity through association is one aspect of social media becoming increasingly apparent as it continues to penetrate the mainstream. Since Twitter has grown from its humble (and more useful, enjoyable) days when it was largely used by news agencies and commentators, new users have subtly slipped into a mind state of self appointed stardom where they unknowingly start considering themselves a celebrity/brand/product themselves that – surely! – the whole world wants to read the every finger nail biting, arse scratching, fart passing tweet of. Of course, social media usage aside, this is reflective of wider changes in the nation’s ‘Living the dream’ X Factor imprisoned identity.

A day in to my three weeks of digital detox, on a long walk between beaches and bays on a coastline, I found myself thinking in tweets. I’d been using my social media accounts on such a close, regular basis that when I’d walked 14 kilometres away from my hostel only for a thunder storm to surprisingly leave me stranded, I didn’t at first think about finding a bus or taxi to safety. I thought to myself the ‘Oh dear. Stranded in a storm. Should have packed my umbrella, ha!’ words I would have tweeted if I’d not turned off my data roaming. For someone with a fond love of elegant, thoughtful phrases of language, thinking in short and choppy snippets like that is obviously a little alarming – and mental.

Several further days isolated, freed, from the constant brain flood of ego tickles by the people I’d been following and those of my own, I started feeling a sense of liberation. I’d be exploring a park, museum or dining with friends and not feel tied to my handheld device to keep up with ‘buzz’ that now seems to hold less merit than my kitchen fridge’s hum. Previously, it had been ‘God forbid if I don’t find out what so and so is eating for breakfast’. It became ‘Who gives a flying fuck?’.

Forgive the cringeworthy self help terminology, but I’d somewhat become ‘awakened’ or at least reminded as to who I was and what I thought or felt beneath the distracting fuzz of empty detail. Disconnected from the penetrative onslaught of nothingness, I had more space to make reflections, form solid opinions and relax, or if you liked the self help shit, ‘just be’. For an introvert who sometimes struggles socially, switching off helped me to switch on and exercise a personality so much harder to feel, develop or sustain when plugged in to a virtual one that runs at a higher, less pure voltage.

The most charismatic, inspiring people I’m friends with spend little, if any time, building up a digital persona. My favourite musicians, film stars and writers are so because they aren’t on chat shows every afternoon or in my inbox or news feeds fifty times a day. Their output is less frequent and richer for it because there’s more intrigue.

To the 30 odd real life friends I’ve recently unsubscribed from, it’s not that I don’t care about you. It’s because I do. Communication in person shouldn’t be a repetition of something I already know because you published it in an intangible arena. What’s the point in talking to someone when you know what they’ve got to say already?

Working at a digital marketing agency as a Social Media Manager and having ‘anti social media’ thoughts like these sets up a stage for conflict, but the disdain is towards how social media is used by certain people, not social media itself. My respect and love for social media remains.

I’m in a long distance relationship that began on a dating site and would be much more difficult without Facebook, Skype and the like. Keeping up with the niche underground hiphop music I adore would seem impossible. Sharing holiday photos with relatives would become a more long winded and expensive process. Keeping abreast of current affairs and sports results would only be possible in one hour television news broadcasts at the end of the day. I’d find it harder to discover new, highly regarded places to eat, drink and travel. *Insert the many other benefits of technology here*.

I just wish for the impossible, that people, if they really must consider themselves as a brand, do what brands do and run content through ‘usefulness/entertainment factor’ filters before sounding off. Then, just occasionally, Twitter’s top trends might be reflective of what’s going on in the world again, not how much better Harry from One Direction’s new haircut might be.

In terms of brands, the abundance of triviality in many people’s inboxes, news feeds and palms of hands emphasises the ever present and not nearly exhausted enough point; content is king. It’s everything and always has been. Brands and agencies have the time and resources that average Joe doesn’t to create incredible content. Create a solid identity positioned around a focused point of shared interest and serve useful, entertaining content around that. Your desired audience will come and will stay.

Orchestrated persona in this article:

I’m really cool and worldly, having walked bays, beaches an’ all.
I’m really dedicated to my other half.
I’m totally settling back into day to day life following my holiday.

My newly cleansed Twitter channel includes:

@ComicBookGuy – My favourite character from The Simpsons who regularly gives me a chuckle.
@WappingLondon – Cute updates about an area local to me.
@kanyewest – A rapper I’m a fan of who regularly entertains and talks about his creative process.
@MarsCuriosity – Who doesn’t want tweets from space?
@Prefixmag – Humble, informative music news site.

Airborne thoughts.

  • Establish elbow ownership of the arm rests before taking off. It’s near impossible to regain ground.
  • Don’t watch Chariots Of Fire on the in flight movie system. You’ll feel inspired to run and there’s nowhere to go.
  • The man with no shoes and socks who used a near flooded toilet before you was up to something. Tread carefully.
  • Whether you’re a Woody Allen fan or not, you’ll want to sleep. Just don’t expect to.
  • Closed eyes means ‘peanuts, please!’ to flight assistants. A blanket signifies a three course meal distributed more tiresomely than Matrix Reloaded and Revolution.
  • Post Orgasmic Chill by Skunk Anansie is superb. Where have all the bald women gone? Even Gail Porter’s back to fluff.
  • Try your best to ignore the family of holiday makers in front, counting down to returning home for a ‘real English curry’ having spent a fortnight beside a pool in Thailand.
  • No, you’ll probably never laugh so much at Friends again, until your next 15 hours overdose of recycled air.
  • When you see that same bare footed guy on your next trip to the toilet and the floor’s in a much worse state, tread even more carefully.
  • I know, just take a deep breath and let them do what they do. Hand luggage and ‘stay in your seat’ means different things to different people.