This weekend I did one of my bi-yearly spontaneous Facebook culls and disconnected from about 20 users that I hadn’t seen or spoken to for a good few months.
The 20 were made up of distant acquaintances from jobs I’ve left years ago, old drinking buddies I’ve not heard from in a long time and dare I say it, present day colleagues that I barely work or talk with at all.
I know it’s very unlikely that anyone connected to my Facebook account will crawl through it and browse even my profile, but the idea that someone barely a part of my present day life, if at all, could in theory check up on what I’m up to rather than pick up a phone, drop an e-mail or God forbid meet up with me in person doesn’t seem right. They’re incredibly unlikely to do that, but in principle they shouldn’t be able to. Be an active part of my life or don’t.
I told someone about the cull who suggested that this occasional social clean-up will mean I’ll end up with few long term friends, which isn’t the case at all. My oldest and best friend doesn’t use Facebook; he’s only just upgraded from a Nokia 3210. He moved to Australia in August but we’ve been speaking to each other by phone, e-mail and Skype more than we ever did whilst living two blocks away from each other. If the friendship’s a real one, it will survive all sorts of situations, especially the absence of a virtual playground for vanity and snooping. Without getting too spiritual about the whole thing, life’s about real world connections which digital should complement, support and enhance, not provide the only space for them to exist in.
Another person who heard about my cull and that it featured work colleagues was surprised at what she called my ‘ruthlessness’, suggesting that unless you make friends on Facebook with people in the office, you’ll never become friends with them properly and your social circles will eventually shrink until you’re old and lonely. It would be interesting to see how she uses Facebook beyond connecting with any and every one she can, because nobody I know has properly used Facebook Events and Invitations since about 2003.
In terms of connecting with people in the professional environment, I’ve done this loads but only after many out of office activities, be it in the pub, sport or music events. My closest friends and current house mates were all found at different paragraphs of my CV. Once there was a genuine relationship, we ended up Facebook friends, able to exchange messages or content to organise and entertain, and share photos and videos of real world events just gone.
Perhaps I’m out of date and way too fussy about the whole thing, though a recent article that did the rounds by a teenager describing their attitudes to different platforms suggests I’m not just being an old grump. They described Facebook as ‘an awkward dinner party that’s hard to leave.
I imagine anyone reading this is wondering why I don’t just leave Facebook and stop fluctuating everyone’s ‘Friends’ count, but like the teenage writer finds, so many people are on there and it’s a very handy way of trading private messages about dinner party plans or household shopping trips.
Readers may also wonder why after a few culls I even end up with people to eventually axe. It’s a fair point as I’m part of the problem, not wanting to say ‘No’ or hit ‘Ignore’ when the requests come through and even less happy about bumping in to people I’ve culled at parties after not seeing them for over half a year. It’s amazing how aware some people are that they’ve been chopped, and how publicly they seek an answer; but that’s another blog post for some other time.
Social media rant aside, I should state that social networking is an incredible utility and force, helping people to connect with one another, find and provide entertainment and in numerous instances come together and cause real change, which perhaps is where my habit of de-friending is rooted. I love social. It’s found me close friends, cohabitants, my partner and a career.
I see and get so much value in it that I’ve no time for digital deadwood and vacuous ‘Likes’ from near strangers of the past who I can’t now name the children of, which should never ever constitute keeping in touch or replace eye to eye engagement.