I’d always known about the Star Wars films but had never watched any of them, for no particular reason. I wasn’t raised in the Amazon or by a television hating cult. In fact, my whole childhood was based around pop culture, whether it was my really scary Michael Jackson finger puppet, The Goonies or He-Man toys. I somehow, simply never crossed paths with the franchise.
All of these years on, with just weeks to go before the next film in the series is released, I thought I’d bring myself up to speed. Historically, I never had close friends that were big Star Wars nuts, which is perhaps why I never gave the films a go. But my newsfeed’s currently flooded with chums I respect, talking about booking whole weeks worth of tickets for the new movie, so I figured there must be a reason for the madness. At the least, it can’t hurt to be up to speed with something that’s had such an impact on popular culture.
Daunted by how many films there are out there, I decided to focus on the original three. I’d heard lots about the films of the nineties not being up to much so parked those for the time being. There is probably as much Star Wars related content online as there is kitten porn so I restricted myself to summarising my thoughts of each film to two paragraphs each. If you find that I’ve spelt a character’s name wrong, misinterpreted a plot or been critical of the franchise in any way, you’ll find me blended in my friends Dan or Freddy’s NutriBullet.
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
I’d worried that all these years on I’d find this really dated, but the sets and special effects were actually very easy to watch and rather refreshing, compared to something like the terrible cartoony CGI of Neo fighting a city square full of Agent Smiths in The Matrix Reloaded. Luke seemed like quite a simple but nice chap and I felt cheated not to find out what his Uncle and Aunt were farming in that baron sand-scape. Hans Solo was quite the looker, Princess Leia was a bit self-important for my liking and C-3PO’s role was surely written with Kenneth Williams in mind.
There were all sorts of ‘Wow, that’s symbolic of…’ moments throughout, especially once Obi-Wan Kenobi was introduced. The guy looks and acts incredibly like Jeremy Corbyn and was my favourite character by far. I thought more could be shown of the Galactic Empire’s evilness because I wasn’t that against them, plus their uniform was awesome and I want one of their green jackets. Overall the film was much more fun and less cryptic than I expected. The story was tight and captivating with very entertaining action. I’ll never attend a meeting where I don’t day dream about tightening the neck of someone’s shirt until they stop talking and collapse again.
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
It took a little longer for me to get immersed into this one, perhaps with it being a sequel and so less well rounded and complete as a piece of storytelling. Once I settled into it, I found much to enjoy. It seemed like a nice touch, having Luke stuck in a big swampy land for a while, but from that point on I couldn’t stop thinking about how impractical R2-D2 is as a companion in such terrain. He’s about as misplaced as Louie Spence on a fascist march through Moscow. As time’s gone on, I’ve found Chewbacca to be my favourite, most relatable of the secondary characters. He’s incredibly loyal, driven by emotion and god I’d love to give him a cuddle. Yoda was great fun at first and a lot more giggly and childish than I expected based on the Vodaphone adverts a few years ago. He has quite the split personality though, one minute stealing someone’s packed lunch (It was rude how Luke discarded the sausage Yoda had touched instead of letting him eat it) and the next being some insanely great master of the mind.
I couldn’t help but think back to The Matrix again (A trilogy I geeked out on hard and know tons about) as Luke started to get trained up. Whenever Corbyn appeared in a vision I found it hard to concentrate solely on the film, instead working out what characters were the equivalent of Diane Abbot or Tom Watson. I didn’t make up my mind. Cloud City looked a great place to hang out, I continued wondering where the rest of Leia’s Royal family were and disdain for Vader finally started building for all his snore-like breathing. Han Solo felt rapey towards Leia who seemed a bit of a tease towards Luke. In conclusion, this one was a step on in special effects with some amazing set builds, was carried at points by Chewie’s sensibilities and left me wanting to find out what happened next.
Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
I was surprised by how quickly I worked my way through each of the films. I was worried it might be quite a slog, but the unexpected levels of entertainment and action kept me going steadily. I found this one very easy to get straight into. Perhaps I was subconsciously missing Han Solo and gay for his rescue. The action and set designs reminded me of Willow, Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk and to a lesser degree, Wizard Of Oz. I realised my growing disdain for Princess Leia was perhaps because she resembled Zoe Barnes from House of Cards. I was a bit embarrassed I’d assumed Darth Vadar was the top guy in the Empire and felt confused as to why the Emperor Palpatine didn’t match the dark one’s fierce presence. Luke’s acting seemed worse here, or perhaps it was his fake tan and resemblance of a singer in The Monkees. Yoda reminded me of the Dalai Lama and I cringed a bit that any comparison and observation I thought of existed across at least a light year’s worth of Reddit message boards and crusty fanzines.
Whilst Luke’s continued overly familiar cuddling with Leia once he found out she was his sister grossed me out, General Madine’s incredible fake beard made me laugh a lot, as did the West Country accent of Admiral Ackbar. I found my favourite Star Wars mode of transport in the Imperial Speeder whilst the Ewok shot right up to the top of my list of preferred creatures. The Stormtroopers didn’t seem half as scary once they started talking with normal, human voices and the movie started feeling a little too long, but the final fight scenes in the jungle and whole ‘Come to the Dark side of the force’, Father and Son storyline kept me engaged until the end. The mix of drama, action and comedy throughout this entire movie seemed perfectly balanced.
After watching all three films, I can now easily see how so many people are bonkers for the franchise, particularly if they first experienced it back in their childhoods. Throughout all three, I kept passionately thinking ‘They don’t make films like this any more’ as if I’d seen them 100 times and had the script tattooed across my toes. It’s a shame I didn’t give the franchise a go sooner but am pleased I’m on my way to partaking in the excitement of the new cinema release. There’s just the small matter of the three nineties films. Whilst everyone had DVDs to lend me this time round, I suspect I won’t be able to borrow the next three so easily. I’m excited to hear that E.T. makes a very subtle cameo in one of them and that I’ve now got a reason to re-watch my seven box sets of Futurama, which I’m told is based almost entirely on Star Wars in-jokes.