Root Causes

Featured on BBC Radio Kent’s Upload on the 26th September 2022.

I do want to talk.
I’ve even got things to say.
Well, who hasn’t?
But I like to think there’s ideas
or at least opinions
lodged in my gut
tangled in a lifetime
of speech therapists
end of term school reports
and annual review meetings
cultivating the quiet gene
watering it by the bullet point
tightening its roots around
my tongue.

I can chat down my friends
like you’ve never seen
encasing them in the steel bars
of hip-hop history, Beatles trivia
centralist politics
trainer wish lists and
Beyonce worship.

Beyond their safe space
it’s another story.

A rubbish one with no arc
just a frustrating flat line
as constant as my heartbeat
put under the spotlight of
simple enquiries and courtesy
that the desire to answer just right,
exactly as I want, feel and believe
robs of any response at all.

You wouldn’t believe my interest.

I am completely and utterly
so presently in the room
that I’m inside your head obsessing
over what it wants to hear from
any contribution I make.

By the time anything’s crafted
time’s up. It’s too late.

Like Rihanna’s ninth studio album.

People’s respect for Novak Djokovic.

Compassionate Conservatism.

The new paywalled Black Star album.

Social media regulation.

I am as committed as I am quiet.

If we were all talking aloud
fast thinking on our feet
it’d be more confusing than the NFL
waiting for The Weeknd half-time show
with as many clear takeaways as
a near forty-year-old rap fan finds
in a Drill mixtape he’s as open to liking
as he is engineered to just not get.

Our nature is our nature.

An introvert’s presence is
a Kyrgios under-arm serve
Megan Thee Stallion twerk
Johnson lie, excuse, apology
and a cabinet minister’s self-interest.

Nature can not be denied or overcome.

It needs respecting and working with

as best as can be.

K A

Too right he enters the stage
to a regal band of brass and pomp
cheers, whistles and applause
weaving through hands held high
welcoming the best to do it
his tracksuit outwitting our
t-shirt weather, hoodies all summer
fan references before it begins.

From there, Class Of Deja reigns.

Every word of every bar as on point
as the CD versions under our beds
retired to memory box stacks of the
songs and energies that made us
triggering nods and shake alongs
to classic verse and recent chorus
the new ones as strong or stronger
advertising hard work and growth.

Quality shines as daylight falls.

Thousands heaped in favourites
rapping along to every other line
spill out home sweet home.

Doodles In The Sand

Like unwelcome spinach
screwed up on the edge of
hash browns and white toast
the seaweed hugs pebble
sandcastles long-sunken
and craters a day trip deep
whilst the fading spiky scent
of salted and Sarson’d chips
lures eager pre-alarm gulls
as loud as rest’s calling
before the trains of tinnies
sweep up and pour out
the next fresh and fried
squads of penny arcaders
leather skin tanners
coffee shop loungers
and their cyclical points
literally toward the horizon
they remark stops and turns
their cassette tapes gazing out
into rescaling wave and sky.

House Of Cane

A see through balloon
of orange paper petals
bounces to Bea’s kicks.

Juliet spreads Lego
rocking Santa garms
glancing at the guest.

Super Mum, a natural,
scratch cooks lunch
with effortless ease.

Dad works daily tasks;
bins, shuttles, socks,
big hugs and baths.

Apollo arches his back
to the sight of bird feet
grazing glittering snow.

Logs on the fire crackle
as off limits Smarties
fill cheeky, joyful palms.

Stories encourage snores
welcoming a Cava pop
and rest into the night.

Jam at The Lock

Earlier this year the lovely We Are Raya kindly asked me to write something for their cool new zine, celebrating London summer. Their illustration of Camden quickly stirred up tons of formative memories. The zine is out now, with £1 from each sale supporting the vital work of Mind.

at the usual spot

t-rex smiles stretch
as wide as fields roll
trees hiding the end
of sky’s clear promise
as scatterings crunch
crisps and tin cans
atop hills of long grass
fist pumps and beats

our lasagne of bicycle
pins down an old mat
of the long week’s tales
wounds drifted away
by the gentle breeze
creaking through woods
of joggers and dogs
walking pebbled paths

the calm and vital dusk
a brief but rich daydream
dims the weekend bliss
of colour and space
we soak to its final charge
that powers us through
each necessary plan
until the next clear stretch

– for Joe

Vicky Park

Our wheels sliced through
the post-summer chill
swerving pups and hounds
new household plants
swinging totes of wines
and Royal Inn strolls.

Bladers tracking cones
and Pagoda smoochers
made snoozy, winding jaunts
Approach Road’s stretch
tempting a quick about-turn
of crisp trees tiring into fall.

With each keen press
outdoor heaters toasted
glass-long tales and cheer
of all-dayer tents and hugs
Sunday jogs, regretful looks
and misjudged trilby hats.

A ripped bust stared on.

Cursive loops and lines
chalked up on the wall
skim-read and hoovered up
fuelled all the cherished detail
only those ways ever stir.

Chronicle Of Covid

Funny how I’ve spent most of lockdown dropping off the kids.

Outside number 30 and 43 to be precise.

No, this isn’t a post-COVID 19 IVF black market.

“Why’s it gotta be a black market. All markets matter!”

tweets the contrary prick who’s no longer my friend.

No, not IVF, but culture. Sourdough culture.

Door 30 left his out the fridge for too long.

Number 43 (the shielders) ruined theirs with heat.

Those two are an interesting lot.

I’ve never met them but have been their lifeline.

A crate of Stella in the first week.

A whole basket of Haribo Tangtastic the next.

I grinned and bared the ’essential items only’ checkout scorn.

Smug is the man with a neighbour’s diabetes diagnosis up his sleeve.

Oh, how the thank you messages flowed.

‘Thank you so much, you super star.’

‘You are the best! Thank you!’

‘We are going to throw you a night of coke and hookers!’

Genuine promise? Perhaps not, but the next one was.

‘If our adult AirBnB business survives (it’s a dungeon)

we’ll give you great rates on a stay. You’re gay and clean.

The straight guests leave the place rotton.’

Then the messages gradually slowed down.

Assume I distanced myself from then on, do you?

No, anyone can do what they want and besides,

it was a great excuse to get some fresh air.

The reason the errands became less frequent?

They were not actually even shielding!

I’d messaged them in aisle three one day.

Message read ticks? Yes. A reply? No.

‘I’ve now left’ avoided any late response and return.

Then there we all were.

Me marching back my beers and chocolate and pizza.

Them, stood outside the entrance, all masked up,

looking the other way like they didn’t see me or my Tesco bag swinging.

I could be wrong. It could have been some other couple.

Something terrible may have ended my errands to the shops for them.

But only a dungeon master wears boots like those.

2020 Vision

I see the privilege of my shopping cart anxiety,

texting Rob to weigh up limited edition colourways.

I see how much cash goes down the drain

along with high percentage, highly priced dregs.

I see the importance of personal responsibility,

choosing the sofa over an illicit meet up in the park.

I see how much my Joe’s and Chris’ and Cat’s mean

to the normal, everyday functioning of my wellbeing.

I see however many hours you spend on Mario Kart,

your skills are nothing to a CPU favouring chance.

As red shells are projected through banana skin fields

I barely see my coffee table over an ever-growing gut.

I see on the morning news even the loudest provocateur

talking more sense than ministers in his headlights.

I see the value in having acknowledged your neighbours

when you’re all out of flour for your next sour dough loaf.

I see the glimmering sparks of a chemical reaction

at the utterance of a polite hello or smiles between strangers.

It’s all so clear now, our kindness and similarities

dancing it out in a long, stretched queue for junk.

I see we aren’t all quite looping a level playing field

in the rough, tired face of someone sat by the door.

I see the skeletons of trees hatch little buds of life

that grow green and shine by the warming, sunny day.

I see how nature’s got one up on all its guests,

its drama-less blue skies and sweet morning birdsong

gracing even the most built up, concrete paths.

I see a morning routine of showers and shaves

can provide focus through this great unknown

and it’s okay too to feel low and lost and longing.

I see if it will be a good day in the just woken greetings

of my partner I’ll laugh together with all day long

need to pick up or be picked up by from another dip.

I see the blessing of these three daily routes

in the empty backdrop of another Zoom call

not without merit but surely a clockwise crank

of a friend’s silence once ‘End Call’ is clicked.

I see my presumptions, my ignorance,

my self-centredness and selfishness

stewing in the stillness of another Netflix binge.

I see myself reduced to my early twenties self,

coasting through university seminars high,

feasting on books and record’s there’s space for

and how beneath my older face and greyer hair

away from adulthood and office pantomime detail

we’ve all still an essence that’s just well hid.

I see the word count, the minute hand,

the sun inching through the curtains,

the fridge magnets and taunting to-do’s,

the files, saves, posts and futile amends,

the dishwasher needing another emptying

and more thoughts rising to beguile the day.

On Archbishop Advice

Three drafts later
however long the stanza
I’m still falling short
whist birds sing in the day.

I’d all my points lined up
for our first beer in months
now fading in significance
and urgency to say.

Real contact dwindled,
scrolls filled in the blanks,
differences surprised,
memes would dismay.

Despite all the silence
clicks on hide and block
didn’t cease the accounts
of many a soiree.

Now stuck in lockdown
in place of clearing air
I picture folds of laugher
on our Chiswick getaway.

May we crease up again
unable to hold our pints
playing Paul and John or
The Revenant with a jay.

No.6 Greencoat Place

The pedantic studio chief
quibbled over pantones
as the huddled rolling eyes
plotted lunchtime escapes.

VeloPark laps were counted
a ride to Brighton reviewed
internal phones pranked
and fits of laughter filmed.

Two rounds of Dead Pony
saw out another long week
curtains falling by the day
revealing all its strange mess.

Years later they’d meet
talking fondly of this time
often stressed and angered
but wiser from it all.

Helen’s Visit

Luggage and product
cluttered the flat’s rooms
as a fierce new toy charged
and local fry-ups seared.

Tea and heartburn pills
saw in patchy accounts
of confusing Ubers home
and a nightcap or three.

Meeting countdowns
wads of travel cards
and an X-rated cackle
concluded another stay.

Clown filters and memes
filled inboxes and screens
sparking the odd chuckle
until we could do it all again.

In All The Years

A curry house and cobbles
Sunday rounds of spritzer
Cockney beat poet rants
Harper Valley’s PTA.

Banks of the Ölfusá river
Ponte Vecchio ice creams
Chester’s Eastgate Clock
Prince from far away.

Brick Lane and Beatles
Haircuts just by FACT
Mr Chips on Bond St
Back To Black dismay.

Space Invaders wall art
Tearoom pots and cake
Windows and wedding
still as vivid as the days.